Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
