my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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