I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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