Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
