hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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