is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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