6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
