Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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