she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
