I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
