We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
