Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
