Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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