Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
