i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
