We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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