please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
