I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
do herpes really smell.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
