i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
