you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
