your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
