I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
