my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
