There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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