4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
