he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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