Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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