P.S. I can't hear my feet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
