I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Send help, water and tortillas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
