I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Houston, we have a blender
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
