Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
