8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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