I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
