I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
