Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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