you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's never too late to be topless.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
