I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
