man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
