Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
