I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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