If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
