I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
