also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
