If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
