I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
