I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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