All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
