thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
