Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
