I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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