Whod you bang
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
