do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
